This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Joshua Stevenson-Hays who was born sleeping at 22wks in the United Kingdom on the 21st May 2006.
We will remember him forever.
Love
Mummy and Daddy xxxxxx


     Our Story

We were really excited about me getting pregnant its what we really wanted and it had taken 6mths of trying.
I had a good pregnancy I was not sick I had no pains; it was like I wasn’t pregnant.
During the 5mths of being pregnant You wouldn’t of known as I did not really have much of a bump and I was still in my 10/12 clothes so I was looking forward to getting a bigger bump.
My 12wk scan showed that the baby was growing fine and that the baby was even waving at as, we were both excited.
The next few weeks things went well I was looking forward to the 20wk scan I was planning to buy things after the scan at the baby show. The only baby stuff we had so far was a little football kit and some cardigans that someone had made for us.

Monday 15^th May 2006
We went for the 20wk scan I was 21wks at the time, we decide we would find out the sex of the baby.
We went into the scan room and informed the sonographer that we wanted to know the sex of the baby.  She started to scan me she said here is its hands, arms, feet, body then she paused.  At this point I sensed something was wrong, she then said I’m afraid there is something wrong with his brain.  I think it might be Hydrocephalus. (Water on the brain) So we were starting to get worried then she informed us it was a boy.
They took us in to a private room and tried there best to consol us.  All we wanted to know was what was wrong with our baby, they could not give us the answers, and they said we had to come back on Wednesday to see the consultant.
We could not wait till Wednesday we wanted answers now.

Tuesday 16^th May 2006
We got a phone call early on Tuesday it was the hospital they had moved our appointment to today.
We went in thinking our baby had Hydrocephalus and dealing with that was hard, but worse was to come the consultant said to us it was worse than that our baby had Holopnsencephaly and it was serious. The consultant said that our baby would not survive at full term and if he did he would be mentally and physically disabled.
So this was the worst time for us our baby the child we really wanted was ill and there was nothing we could do to make him better we were devastated.  It was at this point we had to make the hardest diction ever and that was to terminate the pregnancy.

Wednesday 17^th May 2006
I went back to the hospital to have an Amniocentesis done to check the baby’s chromosomes to see if they were the cause of our baby being ill.  I then had to sign the papers to have the termination done.
We were then taken to the room where we would be having him, it was called the “Home from home room” it was lovely, it was very homely. It had its own bathroom, TV, DVD player, kettle and a nice bed it was just like being at home. It was away from the labour ward so I would not be near mums having there healthy babies.
I was given my first lot of pills to help my hormones to get ready for labour.  We then went home and were due back on Friday to start all the procedures.  At home we looked through the baby name book and decide on the name Joshua, meaning the Gods salvation.

Friday 19^th May 2006
My mum meet us at the hospital and we settled into the room.  I was given pills to induce the labour; we thought it would work in a few hours time, how wrong were we.  The rest of the day nothing only at night did I have a few bad pains and they gave me an injection and the pains went away then I went off to sleep.

Saturday 20^th May 2006
I woke up and felt fine all my pains had gone away.  The consultant checked me over and said he wanted to give me the next lot of pills to induce the labour and if they did not work then I would be put on a drip.
The day went by friends came to visit me and still no signs of labour.  Then at about 8.00pm it all started I was getting small contractions, I sat on the ball to ease the pain then I moved on to the bed and that was when my waters broke, there was loads of water I don’t know where it all came from.
I had contractions on and of for 9hrs and in that time to ease the pain I had 2 and half canisters of Gas and Air and a morphine injection.

Sunday 21^st May 2006
My contractions stopped about 5.00am in the morning and all I needed to do was push him out, I pushed and pushed but nothing.  So they had to take me down to the delivery suite and put me on a drip to start my contractions again but that did not work it just gave me a big bruise.  The midwife said he was ready to come out; again I tried pushing but nothing.  So the midwife decided to insert a cafiter in me to drain off my wee and I filled up 2 jug loads.  The midwife explained that now it should be easier for him to come out.
The registrar checked me over and said the baby was laying awkward so that is why I could not push him out, next thing I know they are asking me to push and the registrar is helping to pull him out
I pushed and pushed and the registrar pulled and at 7.14am Joshua Stevenson-Hays was born.  I looked at him, he was little but seemed so long, he was all red, but he was perfect.
The midwife took him away to clean him up and wrap him up in the blanket we had brought him.
I was all cleaned up and then the midwife brought him back, he was put in a little basket we held the basket as he was so tiny to hold, me my partner and my mum were there.  We told him his name Joshua.
We spent about 30mins with Joshua, we touched him, looked at him he looked so sweet like nothing was wrong with him, he looked so perfect.  We placed a football badge on his blanket of his daddy’s favourite team.  We said our goodbyes till we see him again at the blessing the midwife then took him away.
I went back to my room and had a bath my partner went home to get cleaned up and my mum went to the shop.  My mum came back from the shop and she had brought a teddy for Joshua and a teddy for me.

It was nearly 12.30pm and we were getting ready for Joshua to get blessed by the Chaplin.  My partner was back and so was his mum and her partner and also my mum was there to witness the blessing.
Joshua was brought back in with us at 12.30pm and the Chaplin was there to, it was nice the Chaplin read out a few poems and said the Lord’s Prayer and then blessed Joshua.  It was nice to have Joshua back with us and being able to look at him and talk to him again, we placed his teddy next to him.  Our families and the Chaplin left the room to give me and my partner time with Joshua on our own our own little family.  As soon as they left the room we started to cry it just hit us, how real this was and why was it happing to us.
I kissed my finger and placed my finger on Joshua’s lips, we both then said goodbye to our son and that is the last time we saw him.
We went home at 1.30pm; I just wanted to be back in my familiar surroundings.

Weeks went by and all we waited for now was for Joshua to come back from his post mortem so we could give him a nice funeral and also to have the results back so we could find out the course of Joshua’s illness.

The Funeral 5th July 2006
Before we had the funeral we took some items to the funeral Directors to put in Joshuas coffin.  We place Poems, photos of me and my partner, a cross stitch name of Joshua and a Guardian Angel Badge.  Joshua already had a blanket, teddy and football badge with him, now he had lots of things to remember us by.
The funeral was at 11.00 and we were greeted by the funeral directors who come to pick us up from home, they had Joshua with them in the car.  We went to see him he was in a nice blue coffin just what he would of liked.  We were given lots of flowers from friends and family and we placed them in the car next to Joshua.  We brought him a big teddy flower and that was placed on top of the coffin, we also brought him a blue ballon with a smily face on it.  My friends from work brought him some teddies so we placed them around the coffin.  We got in the car with Joshua and went on our way to the cemertry.
Joshua was carried into the chapel where we had a little service, me , my partner,my mum and sister and his nan and his mum and her partner were there. We placed his photo on top of the coffin.  The vicor read out a few poems and said a few words and the Lords prayer.  My sister wrote a poem and the vicor read it out as my sister was to upset to read it, then I choose to read out a poem and that made everybody very emotional.  We played some songs for Joshua at the start we had 'Everything I own'  By Bread and at the end we played 'I'll Be Missing You' by Puff Daddy.  I kissed the coffin and then they carried Joshua out to the grave while the song was still playing.
At the graveside they placed Joshua in and on top of his coffin we each placed a rose so he had 7 roses.  Me and my partner had a bit of time on our own with Joshua so we could say our final goodbyes.
We went back to Joshua's grave a little bit later on in the day it was raining but we still went.  They had decorated his grave with all his flowers, Teddies and the ballon we brought him it was attatched to the cross they had placed at his graveside with his name and date on.
We still go and visit Joshua every week and we have added many new things to his graveside he has new flowers, toys, Angels, poems, windmills and balloons.


This is the poem my sister wrote in memory of Joshua

Your Memory Box 
Inside this box, baby you will find
Precious memories made with you in mind
You are our first baby and always will be
forever in our hearts, but not so we can see
Here’s the ultrasound with a picture of you
You’re only very small, about 20 centimeters I’d say
we knew we loved you from the very first day
There’s a little bear to always sleep with you
He has a Leeds united pin that shows your special too
A Certificate says what happened the other day
I just wish the Doctors would have more to say
And mummies hospital tags that make her sad
But there’s Bracelet to make her glad
There’s a photo of you looking sweet oh how I wish your heart would still beat A special Guardian Angel will take care of you
It is a sad time for daddy and me
2006 is the year you were gone
but you will be with us each day and then on 


This is the poem I read out at the funeral

O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me.
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be.
We waited and longed for you to come.
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother,
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you're gone...but yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you never--
The child we had, but never had
And yet will have forever!



Joshua's Angel Friends

www.joseph-bartholomew.memory-of.com/About.aspx

www.paige-leigh.memory-of.com

www.benjamin-thomas-brett-garrett.memory-of.com

www.geocities.com/mummy2alison

www.kori-hubber.memory-of.com

www.cadyrene-bestall.memory-of.com

www.totsites.com/tot/babybailey

www.harvey-bax.memory-of.com

www.riley-herbertevans.memory-of.com

www.ellamae-gleed.memory-of.com

www.freewebs.com/kelsangel

www.reece-christopher-rooney.memory-of.com

www.albie-turner12805.memory-of.com

http://Kinsey-and-Kylee-sullivan.memory-of.com

www.freewebs.com/greersangels/




Other links

hpe.stanford.edu/about/ 

www.impactgs.co.uk/

www.uk-sands.org/

www.sandsforum.org/